Men have to do this with other men, despite the difficulties in doing so, for three reasons. For one, men understand what it is like to be a man much better than women do, and they can teach one another while understanding what it actually feels like and having compassion for one another. Men must also do this with other men because, frankly, women cannot be responsible for healing men while they also protect themselves from male violence and neglect, which is still endemic and thus a daily part of women’s lives. Finally, one of the great distortions of the human spirit in our culture is that each man lives in solitary confinement, thinking they can and should solve problems alone, that they shouldn’t need others. Jumping the barriers that keep men from talking about emotions with other men is itself a fundamental change, one that reduces shame and confusion.
I was pointed to this article in a discussion about Ted Lasso. There’s a lot of good stuff to unpack in here, though I guess it is pretty heteronormative. But there were a lot of mind blowing thoughts for me in here.
I’m really curious about the limbic system being the seat of the subconscious and how that relates to autism. And the whole idea that attachment can lead to future behaviors. There are times when I read something and I feel like some part of human existence that has been up to this point a black box to me has been revealed.
Not to oversell it, but it’s a really good essay.